Breaking News: "Rock Of Love" is back!

No More of this:












An actual show on VH1 that's tolerable to watch, besides old "Behind the Music" episodes.

No one can ever be better than my Love, Jes. BUT ANYONE IS BETTER THAN THE FUCKING CLASSLESS MUPPET THEY HAVE ON NOW.

New Years Resolutions

Everyone has dumb resolutions that they rarely keep up with or even bother keeping. So, with that in mind, I'm giving a list before ESPN.com's Page 2 gays it up and ruins humor for the rest of us.

For:
Jon Heyman-Never, EVER write a Hall-Of-Fame piece again. (Jack Morris? Really?).
Joe Morgan-Quit ESPN.
Matt Groening-Make the best damn "Futurama" season EVER!! (Woo! it's back!).
Jose Canseco-Pump Larynx with steriods.
Hank Steinbrenner-Hold at least one thought to myself.
Alex Rodriguez-Win the fucking World Series, since according to the media I'm playing by myself.
Rick Vanden Hurk- BE A BEAST!
Wilson Betemit-Yell back when those two guys scream "WIIIIIILLLLLLLSOOOOOOOOOOOON" at me
Suzy Waldmun-Quit everything.
Billy Gillispe-Make sure everyone can atleast say my damn name right.
Nig Gall-Get another tattoo.

My feelings...IN SONG FORM!

Back In The Fucking Saddle

Was out and about in the past month.

It wont happen again...until April.

Houston Astros: Without An Offense Since 2004

So, how do you fix a team that is awful on offense? Why, overpaying for a mediocre second baseman of course!

The Astros signed Kaz Matsui to a 3 year/$16.5 million deal on friday. Matsui, 32, is set to take over the job from Chris Burke, apparently because Matsui can hit at Coors field.

The Astros deserve whatever's coming to the for this deal. Matsui is awful, and because he hit some bullshit milestone stat ("30 extra base hits, and 30 Steals!!) he gets a deal worh over $5 mil per year. This shows that the Astros are a poorly run organization in desperate need for any offense which they can get.