Everyone has dumb resolutions that they rarely keep up with or even bother keeping. So, with that in mind, I'm giving a list before ESPN.com's Page 2 gays it up and ruins humor for the rest of us.
For:
Jon Heyman-Never, EVER write a Hall-Of-Fame piece again. (Jack Morris? Really?).
Joe Morgan-Quit ESPN.
Matt Groening-Make the best damn "Futurama" season EVER!! (Woo! it's back!).
Jose Canseco-Pump Larynx with steriods.
Hank Steinbrenner-Hold at least one thought to myself.
Alex Rodriguez-Win the fucking World Series, since according to the media I'm playing by myself.
Rick Vanden Hurk- BE A BEAST!
Wilson Betemit-Yell back when those two guys scream "WIIIIIILLLLLLLSOOOOOOOOOOOON" at me
Suzy Waldmun-Quit everything.
Billy Gillispe-Make sure everyone can atleast say my damn name right.
Nig Gall-Get another tattoo.
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