Breaking News: "Rock Of Love" is back!

No More of this:












An actual show on VH1 that's tolerable to watch, besides old "Behind the Music" episodes.

No one can ever be better than my Love, Jes. BUT ANYONE IS BETTER THAN THE FUCKING CLASSLESS MUPPET THEY HAVE ON NOW.

New Years Resolutions

Everyone has dumb resolutions that they rarely keep up with or even bother keeping. So, with that in mind, I'm giving a list before ESPN.com's Page 2 gays it up and ruins humor for the rest of us.

For:
Jon Heyman-Never, EVER write a Hall-Of-Fame piece again. (Jack Morris? Really?).
Joe Morgan-Quit ESPN.
Matt Groening-Make the best damn "Futurama" season EVER!! (Woo! it's back!).
Jose Canseco-Pump Larynx with steriods.
Hank Steinbrenner-Hold at least one thought to myself.
Alex Rodriguez-Win the fucking World Series, since according to the media I'm playing by myself.
Rick Vanden Hurk- BE A BEAST!
Wilson Betemit-Yell back when those two guys scream "WIIIIIILLLLLLLSOOOOOOOOOOOON" at me
Suzy Waldmun-Quit everything.
Billy Gillispe-Make sure everyone can atleast say my damn name right.
Nig Gall-Get another tattoo.

My feelings...IN SONG FORM!

Back In The Fucking Saddle

Was out and about in the past month.

It wont happen again...until April.

Houston Astros: Without An Offense Since 2004

So, how do you fix a team that is awful on offense? Why, overpaying for a mediocre second baseman of course!

The Astros signed Kaz Matsui to a 3 year/$16.5 million deal on friday. Matsui, 32, is set to take over the job from Chris Burke, apparently because Matsui can hit at Coors field.

The Astros deserve whatever's coming to the for this deal. Matsui is awful, and because he hit some bullshit milestone stat ("30 extra base hits, and 30 Steals!!) he gets a deal worh over $5 mil per year. This shows that the Astros are a poorly run organization in desperate need for any offense which they can get.

The Cats found out Wednesday of Tuesday's game

Cats fans need to shut the fuck up. You're not going to fire Gillispie because he lost to Gardner-Webb, and you don't fire him for only beating Stony Brook by 10. He's playing with house money right now. You know who he's brought in here? Alex Legion and P2. That's enough right now. You guys ran Tubby out of town, and this guy gives all he can to recruiting (I'm not gonna say Tubby didn't, because he got Tayshawn, Ramel, Crawford, Morris, and Rondo. Stating Tubby didn't care is a joke.)

They're gonna get dismantled by UNC, but hopefully it'll be competitive at the half.

GET.
FUCKING.
SICK.

R.I.P. Knicks

True.

Nearly 50 points.
The Knicks lost by NEARLY 50 FUCKING POINTS. Yes, it was to the Celtics, which is expected but kills a true Knicks fan even more.
PLUS Boston was trying to be nice about it, playing Garnett for only 22 minutes, with Allen and Pierce playing 29 a piece. Garnett had 7 rebounds in the first six minutes. Nate Robinson lead the Knicks in points...with 11. Glen "Big Baby" Davis had 13 points and 6 rebounds, which would have made him the Knicks leading scorer and second best rebounder; too bad he was the Celtics scrub.
This team can't put shit together for whatever reason. They have way too much talent to be performing this crappy. Curry doesn't give a shit, Marbury is a fucking headcase, and Randolph is about 5 more loses away from just saying "Fuck it-I'm gonna go get into some shit. We lose'n anyway." They have a high energy team in Nate, DLee, Balkman, Collins, Crawford, and Randolph. It's just too bad Nate isn't starters material, Balkman has no offensive game, Collins has no game outside of passing, and Crawford is either extremely hot/cold every night.
Isiah, and I hate to say it, has to go. I'm gonna sound like a raving fan/lunatic, but get rid of Marbury in any way possible. I'm not gonna go Skip Bayless on this situation, but in the words of Stephan A. Smith "They could take Winny the Pooh and be a better team."

Isiah has no business having a job by tomorrow morning when I wake up.

Old News: Reds Know Shit

You have a 50-50 chance on being right on this pitch

I know this is old, but I just got around to writing about it. Francisco Crodero signed with the Cincy Reds for 4 years/$46 mil a couple of days ago.

So, what a deal! You're complaining about money woes, so you sign Cordero for $11.5 mil a year-which puts you out of the market for Dunn next year. You make Dusty " Clog'n dem bases" Baker your manager-he's notorious for killing pitchers (i.e. Prior/Wood) and not liking small ball. ALSO, you signed a closer with the money you probably should've used on a starter (Weathers wasn't THAT bad, it was more the setup men-a role Weathers now takes over for). The Reds have Arroyo, maybe Bailey, and Harang as their starters, and I think they should've saved their money for Dunn.

Jason Kendall Robs the Brewers

"Where did he go?!"

The deal isn't that bad (1 yr/$4.25 mil) for a catcher, but since he's brought in to be, primarily, a "leader" it's a little much. He hit .242, OBP of .301, a commanding .309 SLG %, with 4 homers over the past three years. Was Estrada that much of a pain in the ass? Do the Brewers really think that Kendall will put them over the top? I would hope that this all isn't because management thought that Mota was the answer for the departed Cordero.

Kendall is still a good defensive catcher, but his bat has lost some luster and I'm not sure that his perceived "leadership" quality really translates into more wins.

Just a Quick Note

Can I please see the ad for Boost Mobile one more time in the next ten minutes? I really need to find out who the drag queen at the end of the song is. He/She is a fucking ghost.

More Eli Backlash

The Daily News had a column about Eli in today's sports section:

http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/giants/2007/11/26/2007-11-26_eli_manning_too_calm_tom_coughlin_not.html

This is what I dislike about New York Sports writers (Mike Lupica is in his own league when it comes to drivel). What the hell is Eli supposed to say? To you want him to break down while you're interviewing him? I'm pissed because I have to stand up for Eli, which I would never do alone, and because the New York media NEVER seems to want someone to succeed. It's your own team, for fucks sake! STAND BEHIND SOMEONE BESIDES JETER! A-Rod can go 10-for-9, with the first 5 run homer ever, but with an error at 3rd, and guess what the writers will point out. Go on, guess. "Jeter would have backhanded it, thrown to first to get the runner out, jumped into the stand to give the Pope the Heimlich Maneuver, and then banged Adrianna Lima-and paid for her parking!" What garbage.

Garbage & Garbage

So, Are We All Off Of Eli's Dick Yet?

"What? No, NO, I TOLD THEM I WAS A MANNING!"

Eli Manning is best known for three things:

1).

2). Being a whiny bitch and having his dad demand that the Chargers don't draft him.
3). Having a famous last name.

There, there are the only reasons that anyone should talk about him anymore. He has a good arm, but that is wiped by his pouting kid face. He's given way too much credit for the Giants success this year, meanwhile Jacobs, the D line, and even Shockey are more deserving of the praise. He has a 75.0 QB Rating (A flawed rating system, but still somewhat valid) to go along with 15 INTs (16 TDs) so far this year. That puts him in the elite company of J.P. Losman (Who was benched at one point this year) and Damon Huard (Currently benched). To be fair, he has more TDs than those two combined, but he has a lower completion rate, and also has thrown 200+ more passes than each. I'm convinced that if his last name was Johnson, he wouldn't have gone 1st, and there's no telling who the Giants would have drafted (Rivers? Big Ben? Me?). They also gave up their entire draft in 2004 for him, along with their 2005 #1 pick, who the Chargers turned into Shawn Merriman (the 12th selection overall, in the worst draft in maybe a decade or more).

Then again, I'm a Jets fan, so I hope they stick with him until 2020.

In Regards to the Twins Offer For Santana

...which is Hughes-Melky-Austin Jackson for Santana...

No.
Thanks, though.

UK Prospect watch

Seeing as Gillispie is always out recruiting, I thought it was a good idea to let everyone know who the Cats have their sights on, including those who have already signed for 2008.

Already signed:

DeAndre Liggins-Point Forward, Henderson (NV) Findlay Prep.

Scouts/Rivals: 5 Star, #6 at his position

A great ball-handler with premium passing skills, but lacks a jump shot. Is gradually getting a better mid-range game, but has no perimeter game to speak of. Possibly best prospect coming out of Chicago in 2008-and that's saying a lot.









Darius Miller- Small Forward, Maysville (KY) Mason County

Scouts/Rivals: 4 Star, #7 at his position

Scout.com thinks that he's the best prospect in the state of KY, including Bud Mackey. Good ball handler, good mid-range jumper, lacks an outside shot, and is sometimes too aggressive with the ball, trying to be "the man".






Being Courted:

Bud Mackey- Guard, Scott County (KY) High school

Scouts/Rivals: 4 Star, #5 at his position
Leaning towards-Clemson/Indiana

Turnovers are a problem for Mackey, but he's a valuable scorer who can run down the lane and penetrate with the best of them. Doesn't seem to want to be a leader, more of "the Man", but is in my view the best player in KY.

Verdell Jones- Point Guard, Champaign (IL) Central

Scouts/Rivals: 3 Star, #26 (Rivals) & #30 (Scouts) at his position
Leaning towards-Minnesota/UK

"Long" seems to be the best description of Jones, as is "wirery". Needs to bulk up, but is a true PG and has an above-average mid range shot. No real outside game, and is barely average on defense.

Steve Goins- Center, Curie Metropolitan (IL) HS

Scouts (not on Rivals): 3 Star, #33 at his position
Leaning towards-DePaul, Illinois

Pretty much unheard of. A Yinka Dare prospect, a.k.a. Can't Teach Height. Is a hard-worker who is gradually building a low-post game.

L.A. Pomlee- Power Forward, Central (IA) High

Scouts/Rivals: 3 Star, #35 at his position (Scouts)
Leaning towards-Iowa State

No info.

J.P. Olukemi- Forward, Simi Valley (CA) Stone Ridge Prep

Scouts/Rivals: 3 Star
Leaning towards-None.

Project. Raw athleticism and good ball handler.

Varez Ward- Small Forward, Jefferson Davis (AL) High

Scouts/Rivals: 3 Star
Leaning towards-Auburn/Alabama St.

No info.

Fuck Tennessee

UK-TENNESSEE: A FIGHT FOR THE AGES!!

Oh, and there was a football game that went 4 OT's and ended on a sack...or something.

Tennessee goes on to face LSU in the SEC championship game in Atlanta, and UK will be forced to play in the Outback-TomTom-Music City-Bill Gates-BigTits.com bowl.

A great season, and they can only get better from here. Wait, Woodson, Johnson, Burton, Woodyard, Little and Tamme are seniors? Well, at least we'll have Locke: The Next S.B.K.M.D. Beast.

UK Invites Texas Southern to Practice

U.K. 83-Texas Southern 35

Really, no shock here, except that Texas Southern is an actually university.
Crawford started this time and was a star, with 32 points and 6 rebounds. P2 aka Beast had a line of 21 points, 7 rebounds and 5 assists. Sadly, S.B.K.M.D. favorite A.J. Stewart didn't do much in his 20 minutes, having a 5-6-1 game. Next up, a crucial game against 0-5 Stony Brook.

FUCKING
DESTROY
THE SEA WOLVES

Hunter Signs With Angels for 5 Years

"The Extra 'I' Is For Team!"

Torii Hunter signed a 5 year, $90 million contract on Wednesday with the Los Angeles/Anaheim/Oakland/Sacramento/Death Valley Angels, and it seems like a good move. Here's the question I have: Who are you going to play? You have 6-6! outfielders now, with Vlad, Garrett Anderson, Gary Matthews Jr., Reggie Willits, Juan Rivera and now Torii. Torri is automatically the Angels second best positional player, since last year he posted a .297 average, 28 homers, 107 RBIS along with 102 Runs Created, 122 OPS+, and his range was pretty much on par (RP9) with the rest of the league.

Now what do you do with Matthews? You know, the guy you signed last year to "secure" the outfield for years to come, did we forget him? Apparently the Angels are going to have him fill in at DH, and occasionally spell Anderson and Vlad. So now Juan Rivera and Willits are screwed, meaning they will probably be shipped out for either bullpen relief or bench help. Maybe those guys can be shipped, along with a starter, for an infielder with some power as, say, Miggy?

For the Twins, they can sign Santana guilt free, therefor keeping him from the Yankees (DAMN IT!) and probably save the rest for Joe Nathan (who, along with Carlos Pena, is the biggest bargain of the league). It's alright, the Yanks will just have to take either Mauer or Morneau from them instead.

UK Beats Liberty 80-54

No real news here, except that P2 is looking more and more legit (Have to wait until they actually face a good team-like UNC on December 1st) and A.J. Stewart might be a steal of a recruit.

P2-23 pts, 10 rbs
Crawfish-22 pts
A.J.-10 pts, 3 blocks
RAMEL- 10 pts, 6 as.

Jodie Meeks was out with an injury, so the Alex Legion started and did so-so: 4 points, 4 turnovers, 3 assists, a block and a steal. I still say the guy is a horse. Just give him a chance...

Next up-Texas Southern. Don't put the W in the books yet-We found out that nothing is automatic after losing to Gardner-Webb Tech State University of William and Mary.

Skip Bayless Gets Destroyed on Hot Seat

1). It's not the NBA's job to make sure that the team in NY is competitive.
2). Who's gonna run the Knicks when you get rid of the Dolans?
3). The main problem with the Knicks is Isiah, NOT the Dolans. They've been throwing money at this team, so wat the fuck do you want? The team has a lot of talent, but they don't want to share the call, Curry doesn't give a shit, and Isiah can't coach. When they fire Isiah and hire Colangelo, I'll dance in the streets. Untill then, Skippy, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Castillo signs 4 year, $25 million deal; Glavine sins a one-year with the Braves

Beautiful.

Now Mets, don't forget to sign David "Scrappy-Doo" Eckstein to play backup!! Since he's such a grinder, maybe he can also pitch for you. Oh, wait, he's not spanish, so you won't pay him any mind. Forgot about that...

Mo Is Back

...According to a friend, which means nothing. Apparently, Rivera "would have signed a two year deal with an option" if it was offered to him. Atleast he realized that he's not going to get a 4th year and to shut his damn mouth, and stop being such a prima dona. All this dis'res'pected bullshit has to stop, players. This will raise the price of the Cordero's contract, and will have an effect on Nathan (The new best closer in baseball) when he becomes a FA next season.

Good to have you back, Mah'm.

My All-Star game votes

Dwight Howard reminds you that he's a beast

I know the season is young, but I'm going to offer my picks for the NBA All-Star game, as of 11/16:

WEST:

Guard: Kobe Bryant-28.6 PPG, 7.9 RPG, 5 APG
Argue this, I dare you.

Guard: Baron Davis-25.5 PPG, 4.2 RPG, 9 APG
Although the Warriors are struggling (Mightily) it's not due to his play at all. I can't dock Davis for the fact that his team is in its current state. This will probably change in about 3 weeks or so when he goes down with another serious injury. Brandon Roy is my backup pick here.

Forward-Carmelo Anthony-25.7 PPG, 5 RPG, 5.2 APG
Let me start off by saying I hate, hate Carmelo. He's a little bitch that punches Mardy Collins then runs away from the fight. He should be embarrassed and Baltimore should have shown the nation how tough it is by killing 20 people in his name the next day. That happens everyday, anyway, but not necessarily in 'Melos name. I'm conflicted with giving Melo credit with Denver's success (isn't that somewhat hypocritical when I said the Warriors plight should have no impact on Baron?) so I'm just going to stick to his numbers. I still wish his rebounds came up a little though.

Forward-Al Jefferson-20.2 PPG, 11.5 RPG, 1.3 APG
Damn, he's a player. While Boston is on fire right now with KG, Pierce, and Jesus running the floor, Minnesota is stacked for the future, with this guy leading the charge. He's 22 years old, a force in the paint, and from all reports a good guy (I know, has no weight on All-Star voting, hopefully). That being said, he probably won't be picked for the game, with the fans instead taking a retread with a more familiar name. Besides, he got my vote, which is a kiss of death. Al Harrington is my backup pick.

Center-Yao Ming-24 PPG, 10.3 RPG, 2.2 BPG, 3.1 APG
Is his last name "yao" or "Ming"? His jersey says "Yao", he's listed under "Yao" on NBA.com, but his name is "Yao Ming". I'm the first to admit I'm not culture savvy, so please tell me what I'm missing. More surprising than the last name debate is the fact that I had to REALLY think about this, because of the play OF...Chris Kaman. Chris-fucking-Kaman. The guy's line is 18.1 PPG, 14.3 RPG, 2.1 BPG, 1.4 APG, along with still the worst hair in the league. Clippers fan don't like him, and when I used to like the Clippers I never saw him play any defense. Is it a contract year for him or something? What the hell happened? Is this years race just weak, and Kaman is facing Me and Calvin Booth?

EAST:

Guard-Ray Allen-20.6 PPG, 4.4 RPG, 3.6 APG
I'm a Knicks fan, too, so this side of the ballot was a real pain in the ass. Allen should have been broken down by now, but somehow Jesus has prevailed and still is able to walk. I'm somewhat relieved in the fact that he'll eventually get injured, and the Knicks will only lose by 15 when they face the Allen-less Celts. By the way, the guards of the East were my most difficult decisions.

Guard-Joe Johnson-21.9 PPG, 4.4 RPG, 6 APG
Johnson, the same dick that wanted out from the Suns because he wasn't "The Man" (How dare former MVP Steve Nash get the credit?!) is now the Man in the rising Hawks. He used to be the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and some nights 4th option for this team during the really bad years, and now with Josh Smith, Marvin Williams, Lue, Sheldon (jk), and Horford (BTW, is it too late to switch my ROY selection, considering Law has been an apparent victim of kidnapping?) Johnson is The Man on a great team. Backup here is Michael Redd, a name I just picked out of a hat.

Forward-Kevin Garnett-21 PPG, 14 RPG, 4.9 APG, 1.4 BPG, 2.9 SPG, MVP
Next.

Forward-LeBron James-28 PPG, 7.6 RPG, 7.9 APG, 2 SPG
Someone get this man off of Cleveland. Please, can we start a hot line for this sort of abuse? At what point are we going to have a "Hands Across America" for the Cavaliers to either put an actual team around him or for them to let him move on to the Knicks...Anyway, I would have to say that Josh Smith is my back-up here, only because there's not a shot in hell he would overtake either of these two guys.

Center-Dwight Howard-21.9 PPG, 14.6 RPG, 1.8 APG, 2.6 BPG
This isn't even a contest. Curry is the second best option here, and he was benched for passionless play. By the way, lets put the Howard/Okefor debate during that daft up there with Leaf/Manning, only because Okefor is always hurt, and recently turned down an extension worth $57 mil. He's played about half of his games as a pro, yet he thinks he's worth more. Maybe he just wants to play for the Harlem D-League team so bad...

Hate to Be A Dick, But...

I know I'm going to be criticized as an idiot for writing/thinking this, but I don't want to be in this crowd any longer.

Hey, uh, well...Isn't it just a little possible that Bonds could be innocent? I mean, the guy's a prick. We all understand that, and we all know how much the media hates him.
Now I'm usually the first one to throw up his arms in disgust whenever the idea of race is involved, but I do believe that this is, in the words of Clarence Thomas, a "High-tech lynching". It took four years for there to be charges brought up against Bonds after his testimony about BALCO? I obviously don't know much law, but I know that if they had any real evidence, besides a scorned girlfriend and an angry public, they would have pressed charges long ago. Did Mitchell find something about Bonds? That seems to be the only thing I can grasp.

I didn't like Bonds breaking the record, and I won't like it when A-Rod breaks it either (as of right now). We always want some one that stands up to our standards as a great "character", who our children can look up to. Aaron was/is that, but we don't view Bonds that way. He's confrontational, pompous, and a bully. We don't want a jerk holding a prestigious record, especially one that is the most sought after and publicized in our culture. We don't like to admit that we can't always control who gets idolized and who rises to the top. Babe Ruth was our national hero for such a long time; idolized to the point where his name was synonymous with God. To go against the Babe was like what siding with Barry is like now: Being an outcast. If you're a black man defending Bonds, you're portrayed as someone that sides with their race no matter what. I'm tired of that, Bonds might actually be a fucking scapegoat for all that is wrong with baseball, and since he's the home run king the spotlight is directly on him. I hate that I have to be the lone voice in this, but can we please wait until the end of the trial or hearing until we conclude he's guilty?! Is that really asking so much? This happens all the time, and the majority of the people have ZERO knowledge of what actually happened or what any of the facts are. Give it time, folks.

Philbrick-You Are A Jackass

Go here to read this crap by ESPN.com editor Mike Philbrick:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=philbrick/071114&sportCat=mlb

Look, A-rod is a dick; a huge phony that cares only about his stats and his money. That being said, he's the best player in the game, he kills the ball, and fucks supermodels...wait, now I hate him...Ok, back now.

Did you know that A-Rod was the only player playing in the playoffs for the Yankees? He also pitched with a Chien-Ming Wang mask on for two games, while he used a hologram machine to play third. He DRAGGED Derek Jeter down to nothingness, ruining Mr. November!!!11!! Plus-PLUSS-I heard from a very credible source (God) that he eats toddlers. Yep, it's true, just ask God.

THE GUY CARRIED THE YANKS THIS YEAR. The young pitching helped, and the Yanks could go without him, but for the love of CHRIST people! Now I know, I know, he's no David Eckstein, the gritty player that's horrible at everything except being hyped-But who else is David Eckstein?! Players like him only come once every 5 months people! I can't wait to hear the story of his family one more time, or how teams looked over him because of his small stature. Honestly, when is Ken Burns going to do a documentary on this guy?! PICK THE SHIT UP, KEN!

If the Yanks sign A-Rod, they'll be doing while Tea-Bagging Boras, and apparently it'll be at a discounted rate then if it was just the extension. Also, all of those "fans" that said there's no way to root for him, how about "loud"? When he hits 50+ homers for you, you better get off your fucking ass.

What the fuck?

Well, well, well...

A-Rod is apparently having talks with the yanks for a new deal, sans Scott Boras. If he comes back, I'll not only eat my old words but I will eat the first hat that is given to me by anyone close to me. This would be fantastic if they can sign him up, and just stick it to Scott Boras.

Smith's new name: Rub a Dub

...

Someone get this stroke victim out of the public spotlight, please? It's not even funny anymore.

Marbury is a whiny Bitch

"WHAT?! I WANT ALL OF THE CAKE!!"

"Starbury" has turned into the diva that legends are made of. Fight with Kurt Thomas? Whatever. Fight with Q-Rich? MothaFucka doesn't even play! Leaving the team while they're on a West Coast Trip because you're angry at being benched a week ago? That's just you being a little bitch. What, "was you dis'pect o' sum'men?" God forbid the team try to win, and send a message to it's disappointment of a star in the process.

You're contract is 2 years at $42 million, making you the Knicks bitch until they either buy you out or your contract runs out, since no one wants you. Lets put your bargaining powers to the test, shall we:

PG in the league:
Steve Nash
Gilbert Arenas
Deron Williams
Dwayne Wade*
Tony Parker
Jason Kidd
Chris Paul
Kirk Hinrich
Baron Davis
Chauncey Billups
Andre Miller
Reymond Felton
You

Important players on the Knicks Roster:
Zach Randolph
Eddy Curry
David Lee
You

Good luck, Starbury, We're all on your side...

Colts lose!

Vinatieri shanks two kicks; Peyton forgets who he is

God awful. Peyton threw 6 INTS and was docked two commercials for his awful performance tonight. Didn't help that it was raining for the first time in 50 years in San Diego today. Luckily, I hate the Colts and the bandwagon fans that have popped up all over around here in the past year and a half. In related news, the Jets didn't lose...

A-Rod music video

pretty funny and clever, I must say. I still have resentment for him, but I understand that he's naturally going to go for the most money he can get. Who wouldn't?

NBA predictions

I usually give my take on a season a week or so in. Not to be cheap, but because it gives me a general idea how teams will mesh with their new pieces and/or coaches. If you don't like it: Fuck you. Now, in order-

East:

Atlantic Division:
please...too easy.
Boston
Toronto
New Jersey
KNICKS! (wooo)
Philly

Central:
Detroit
Chicago
Cleveland
Milwaukee
Indiana (Garbage)

Southeast:
Orlando (Howard's a fucking beast)
Atlanta (Finally coming together. See what happens when you have a point guard AND defense?)
Washington
Miami
Charlotte

West:

Northwest:
Denver
Utah
Portland
Minnesota
Seattle

Pacific:
Phoenix
Lakers
Golden State
Clippers
Sacramento (I still hate the kings)

Southwest:
San Antonio
Dallas
Houston
New Orleans
Memphis (poor, poor Memphis)

Playoffs-PLAYOFFS?!

East-Boston over Atlanta; Detroit over New Jersey; Orlando over Chicago; Toronto Over Cleveland. Orlando in Finals.

West-San Antonio over New Orleans; Phoenix over Houston; Denver over Lakers; Utah over Dallas. Utah in Finals.

Utah beats Orlando in 6.

Go ahead, make fun of it, but 1). It's a fucking blog, and 2). It actually took some creativity instead of "San Antonio vs. Detroit!"

MVP-Garnett
ROY-Acie Law
Sixth Man-D. LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Comeback- who knows haha.
The favorites: Hinrich, Josh Smith, Deron Williams, D Lee, Durant, Al Jefferson, Kobe, Bosh, Arenas.

Just a quick note

Are the Jets becoming the most commercial shitty team? There's the "Clarity" commercial and now there's one with Mangini with a Razor! No video on YouTube of it yet, but the best part is that he's listening to the sports talk through his phone, and the supposed host of the show says "Yea, I know the Jets won, but Mangini did a horrible job!" which causes Mangini to hurl the phone away and it slices into a car (Get it?! RAZR!!#!#!&*@#^*) When this happens, the disclaimer says "Fictional". Now, I'm wondering if they were talking about the phone being able to slice through something, or the Jets actually winning.

So, Is ESPN Sports Or Entertainment?

"They-they have a good run. Uh, they run the ball with power and ease"

When ESPN started getting bad, I think I can almost pinpoint the moment it happened. I remember the day when I was still in middle school, faking sick for the umpteenth time. They had Sportscenter on all day back then, with the usual teams of Scott/Cohen-Patrick/Mayne-Eisen/Mayne-Scott/Patrick, etc. First, they started to add music to the highlights, which I noticed instantly. After that, the clips for games seemed to be getting smaller and smaller; some got to the point where the clips were about 5 seconds long with just the score as the box score. Later on, however, it all came crashing down.

They just kept coming up with more and more crap. "Hey, we need to tap that Morning Wake-up show market! How about something sports related in the morning!?!?" Hense we are left with "Cold Pizza'', which is more of a car-wreck than a watchable show. Did you ever wonder where Tony Gonzalez relaxes after a football game? Neither did I. Did you ever think to youself "Damn, I wish I knew how to make a delicious angus burger!" WELL! They'll just get Vikings DT John Randle to show you how to use a BBQ!! This clash of sports and fluff was only the beginning. Thankfully, they've gone back to Sportscenter on ESPN while ESPN2 gets the crap.
Next was reality shows. Wanna be an ESPN journalist? YOU GOTTA MAKE IT THROUGH THE GAUNTLET, BROTHA! Just like real life! How about teams of nobodies that compete in obsticles all around the country with the chance to win another dumb prize? GO BEAT AVERY JOHNSON IN HORSE AND WE'LL TALK!

If only it stopped there. Now ESPN is filled with nothing but round-table discussions, fan polls, Stuart Scott poem pieces (I believe one of the circles of hell), and hours upon hours of bad announcing. When Scott Van Pelt is the lone source of sanity, you have a problem. Now it's all about some dumb catch phrase some noob can throw out there every time Dirk hits a three, or LT runs for a touchdown.

Is it any surprise that ESPN has three of the top ten worst announcers in sports? Joe Morgan can't put together a coherant sentence together "consistently" (Shouts out to FireJoeMorgan.com), Skip Bayless may just be insane and a baby-eater, and Emmitt Smith needs to be fired-now. Lets go to Awful-announcing.com for this piece on Emmitt:

Yea...it's sad. One could even make the case that either Stuart Scott, Steve Young, Chris Berman, Keyshawn, or Tony Kornheiser could be in this group. I for one, am set on the group of Skip, Morgan, Buck, McCarver, Emmitt, Tony Gwynn, Michael Kay, Suzyn Waldmun, Statboy, and Bryant Gumbel are the worst personalities in the sports world media wise. I'm flexable on the last two, but the first eight are set in stone.

What was once a sports network that made sports entertainment has turned into an entertainment network with sport leanings. The typical ESPN schedule:

Sportscenter until 2 pm
Best of Mike and Mike in the morning (Radio? On TV?! BRILLIANT!)
1st and 10 repeat
Outside the lines
College Football Live
NFL Live
Jim Rome is Burning
Around the Horn
Pardon the Interruption
Sportscenter
Hopefully an actual game
Sportscenter
NFL Live
NFL Live
Sportscenter until 2 the next day

It may not look that bad written down, but since ESPN is owned by Disney, which also owns ABC, we're subjected to countless ABC sitcom tie-ins, plugs, and "stars" in the booth for MNF for scrapy movies or new shows on ABC. Also, ESPN has become way too interested in involving the public on every little discussion. It always sickens me to see the newest fan poll ("Who will win the Cowboys, Patriots game?!" witht the state-by-state break down) and the garbage quotes on their website, called the "Featured Comments", where some fan gives us such insight as "The Patriots are unstoppable!" or "Weis should be fired!".

Unfortunately, FOX Sports is so off the radar that I can't even get it on my cable package. Does anyone watch "Best Damn Sports Show, Period"? I haven't heard of one person even appearing on this show, let alone anyone talking about it the next day at school or work. We need a real Sports station, so the sane portion of America doesn't have to keep going to ESPN for it's New England bias-spin on sports. We can only go to Deadspin, FireJoeMorgan, AwfulAnnouncing, and NoMaas for so long.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

Ramel Bradley says "Fuck you" to logic

UK FUCKING LOST TO GARDNER-WEBB!? Somehow, Uk-Ranked #20 in the polls-Lost to a team that isn't even in a FUCKING NCAA VIDEO GAME! Here: Tell me where this university is?

...give up?

North Carolina. You didn't know that, UK didn't know that, and I'm pretty sure most of the kids that attend that school didn't know it existed until it was US News & World Reports rated it one of the best schools in the nation. Some of them probably thought they were going to Grambling, and the others thought it was a horticulture school. Somehow, Someway, UK manages to not only lose to these guys, but gets BLOWN OUT. A fucking 16 point blowout, and you better believe everyone else in Boiling-Springs, North Carolina is getting laid tonight. Road Trip!

Wow. Bradley, a First-Team All-SEC player (coaches poll) was the only one who showed up (24 points; you know-36% of the team's total) and Alex Legion still sits, so go figure. P2 had 12-12, and the rest of the team ate ass. Crawford proves to us some more that he's a showboat that is a Crawford. The logic behind that sentence? Joe of the Cats and Jamal Crawford of the Knicks are the same exact player-Either on fire or colder than a witch's tit. Unfortunately, whenever he gets the ball, that's it, you're not going to see it again. Go get ready for some defense while he takes on the opposing team.

Damn it, this year is going to be a long year. Billy Clyde, please-PLEASE-don't do this to UK. Tell me I'm overreacting, tell me everything's gonna be fine, and then tell me about that eigth-grader that you just signed out of Chicago. I know you're playing with house money this year, and P2 and Legion are fucking pimps, but for the love of God don't mail this in. Bradley is too good for this, and I can only laugh at the moving mop that is Coury for so long.

And for me, can you just do me one last thing: Please don't lose to Stony Brook on the 27th, I'll never hear the end of it.

The Lidge Deal

Lidge looks on as career sails by

Closer Brad Lidge was traded from the 'Stros (I'm a youth-see my use of the apostrophe!) to the Phillies today, along with infielder Eric Bruntlett. In return, Houston got outfielder Michael Bourn, right-hander Geoff Geary and minor leaguer Mike Costanzo. Personally, I feel this was an even deal, only if Lidge doesn't return to his All-Star form.

For the Phils: First, they can stop being a bunch of drunks and take Brett Myers out of the closer role. I always, always hated the idea of your best starter being your closer (aren't 30+ starts, 200+ innings more important than 80 GA, if that?) and this saves Charlie Manuel from himself. They lose Geary (Who had a great 2006) and a young infield prospect in Costanzo, who the club admitted was slow learning the game (He's only 24, guys) and horrible on defense (Yankee fans see Duncan, Eric). Bruntlett I'm guessing is a stop-gap bench guy.

For the Astros: They gave up on Lidge, 30, because ever since the WS he's been awful, losing his closing job to Dan Wheeler before getting it back in June this season. In return, they get three quality players, but here's the reality: None of them really give you equal value. I like them all, but what happens if he returns to All-Star form? Then you traded an All-Star closer for a good relief pitcher and a speedy outfielder in Bourn. The truth is that I'm most likely wrong, and that in fact the Astros may have waited too long to trade him, so they couldn't get what he WAS worth.

Conclusion: Eh. I like the Phils on this, by a slim margin. Of course, if Costanzo pulls through, then the Astros get the edge. He's still young enough where he can pull it together, and-not to sound like I have a man crush-but Geary is a good bullpen option. Yet, I still can't give up on Lidge, even though me and Gillick seem to be the one ones left.

Yankees off-season plans-First edition

I'm Going to McDonalds!

There's been a lot of talk about trading for Miguel Cabrera of the Marlins to play third base for the Yanks, but this is a difficult decision to make. First, the Marlins want one of the big three (Hughes, JOBA, or Kennedy) plus a major-league ready position player (basically Melky) in return for Miggs. I love Miggs hitting, believe me I really do. But lets go with the reasons they shouldn't trade for him:

1). He's fat-Trust me on this, he's not going to be getting any skinner with the promise of alternating for DH either. The only thing we have going for us is that we don't have as many Spanish restaurants as Miami.
2). He's stated in the past his dislike for the Yankees- Much like Carlos Zambrano, he thinks the Yanks will try to tame that pony. Do you really want to get rid of a young, very promising starting pitcher for a guy who doesn't want to be here? I understand that Miggy is already proven, and that rookie years don't project careers properly (i.e. Mark Fidrych) but since we've already heard his opinion about NY we might be trading a long term starter for a guy we have two seasons.

3). JOBA IS A BEAST!!!-sorry...

4). WILSOOON-I am one of the 6 or so people that think Wilson would be a good enough replacement in the meantime before a suitable third baseman is found in the FA class next year (Hank Blaylock? Greg norton?) I know that class of 2009 sounds weak, but I don't want to trade for someone when we can just sign a class B FA instead. Especially one who is fat and doesn't want to be here.
5). If all else fails, sign Lowell-Just kidding. He's 34, played in a little-league field, and wants a 5 year deal. Nah.

SEE?! IT'S FUCKING ANDRUW, NIGGA! I'M DUTCH AND SHIT

This idea is from Nomaas.org, so I'm not going to take credit away from the greatest Yankee site ever. Go look why I have this flying Dutchman on the page at Nomaas.org.

Curt Schilling is a douche

SAWX fan enjoying a night with Schilling's bloody WS relic.

Apparently, according to ESPN.com, Curt Schilling has signed a one year deal with the SAWX worth $8 million plus incentives. Schilling went on to his website (38pitches.com/hostess) to tell all of his fans (i.e. him and his wife) of all the exciting details of the contract!

"[Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein] and I have spoken multiple times daily over the past week and given the current situation I am feeling very confident that we will be able to finalize a 1 year contract to allow us a chance to finish our career as members of the Red Sox organization."

Got to love the "our" placement there. Where did he learn english? Is that a second person reference? I know he's fat and all, but is he really two people? If he is, in fact, two seperate people, then wouldn't it be "Our careers"? By the way, one of the clauses on the contract is a $2 million "weight clause". This from a team that fielded Rich Garces.

Anyway, Hemingway, this is a good move because schilling is loved by the fans of Boston (and Philly, that's it) and comes somewhat on the cheap. It's a good move for Schilling because he gets to bask in a big city spotlight for one more year and because the Sox threw in a $200 Dunkin Donuts gift card to sweeten the pot.

It's back!

The J Blaze post is back, and once something mildly interesting happens, I'll put it on here. Don't worry-I have no life.